butt butt

Oona refers to her butt as her butt butt and let me tell you I've been seeing a lot of both kids butts the past week. When I hinted about reaching a whole new level of dr. momhood last night well, it might have been better if I said I've thought, in momentous of overtired humor/weakness that I should at least consider outfitting the bathrooms in my house with toilet seat covers. Over the past few weeks one of Owen's friends got lice, Owen escaped that one, phew. Before that my niece got scabies, which she was sweetly informing everyone and their mother about. Poor thing, I got scabies in college after sleeping on a really nasty couch, that happened to be in the suite I was living in, my sophmore year, that stuff is nasty. Well I knew it was too good to last, that some nastily named affliction would hit my kids and it did. Oona wound up with ringworm on her butt and the back of her thighs, basically where your body comes in contact with a toilet seat. So you can pick up stuff from a public toilet and to think she had to use a port-a-potty twice at the renaissance fair. Ringworm isn't very contagious, but children don't have the strongest immune systems and their skin is more permeable, thank you pharmacology class, so I'm lotioning up her butt and thighs morning and night with jock itch cream. Who knew that jock itch, athlete's foot and ringworm are three names for the same skin infection. Two days after I learned about Oona's ringworm Owen was talking to Toby and I one night before dinner and said there was a spot on the back of his leg where it hurt when he touched it. Toby told him not to touch it and I asked him to drop his pants there in the kitchen so I could see what the problem was. He had a nasty looking boil with a pustule in the center of the red welt right where his leg meets his butt. When I helped him get ready for bed I found three more on his butt and perineal raphe, thank you A&P 2 for that anatomically correct term. I took them both to the doctor the next day and was ready for a Silkwood moment where our family gets hosed down and decontaminated. Of course with my mind I'd already gone down the rabbit hole worrying if Owen had somehow caught VD, how would be beyond me, and then I worried that they'd think I gave it to him. It's sick how ready I am to be deemed the bad mother, marked with a scarlet letter for my maternal failings. Fortunately the doctor picked up on my neurotic nature, must have been the nonstop hand-wringing and put me at ease. He took one look at Owen and said perianal Strep and started writing out scripts for an oral and topical antibiotic. He didn't even bother to test it, said his very red butt and the satellite red marks were textbook. Who knew you could get strep down there. I had a really sore throat at the time and asked if I should get checked for strep and the doctor's like 'I hope you don't have it down there as well.' Which I, once again, spent way too long trying to interpret - is he joking with me? is he saying I better not have it because that would mean I'd be doing unspeakable things with my son? This is why the two times I need to take Oona to the ER for head injuries I was convinced they'd single me out as a mom doing munchausen by proxy. I exhaust myself with the mom guilt flagellations at times. But on the bright side. Owen's strep is clearing up wonderfully. Oona still has one telltale ring mark but hopefully it will fade soon and I'm thinking I should probably add clorox wipes to my diaper bag arsenal since Oona won't sit on the seat when there's a seat protector on it.