please walk with erasers

This is a picture of Oona that I took yesterday. In all her hot sweaty glory after filling the cats bowl of food until it resembled a mountain of Purina Care Urinary Tract Health because they're boys and apparently need to watch out with their urinary tract health. I agree with all the schmaltzy cliches you'll read about children being such a joy and that everything changes once you have children. I love Oona and Owen dearly and don't know what my life would be like without them. But I might die before they reach adulthood from a stress induced heart attack. I panic if I see any child doing something that looks dangerous to me and, yes, my idea of what constitutes danger probably encompasses a lot more than the average Mom. But yesterday Oona took years off my life.

It all started out innocently enough, I brought Owen to swimming lessons, where Oona and I wind up having to stand around for the forty-five minutes until he's done. So Oona was running around the mushroom that usually spouts water, but they refuse to turn it on until the pool officially opens at 1:00. So all the poor siblings under 6 (Owen's a week shy of 6 but I figured it was close enough) have to stand around in the sun and watch their big brothers and sisters enjoy the water. I was talking to a friend watching Oona climb onto a wooden bench and start attempting to climb onto the back. I told her no and she looked at me and complied. I was back to talking about trying to find a sitter while I take Microbiology this fall when I saw Oona fall backwards off end of the seat part of the bench. The whole thing seemed to occur in slow motion. She dropped about a foot and a half landed squarely on the top of her head and then I saw her neck bend at a horrible angle trying to bear the weight of the rest of her body before she flopped onto the ground. I'm standing fifteen feet away, watching the whole scene, powerless to stop it and I'm thinking she's going to be dead or paralyzed from that fall. I ran over to her and she was crying (not dead) but I was scared for a few seconds to pick her up after watching how she fell. My friend ran over as well, saying 'she landed right on top of her head on that cement, it's covered in foam, but she hit her head right on top of it. And I'm thinking 'stop! I saw what happened and hearing what you're saying isn't helping me right now.' It made me so angry, I just felt so helpless at that moment. But Oona needed to be comforted and I hugged her carefully, checking to make sure she could move her arms and legs without trouble. I asked her if she wanted a treat and she perked up right away, which told me that any huge crisis had probably been averted. I bought her some fruit candies and called my pediatrician's office just to make sure about what I should keep an eye out for with her fall. I couldn't stop shaking I felt so nervous after seeing what happened. I was worried that maybe she was favoring the left side of her body, that she was walking awkwardly, like I couldn't look at my daughter objectively then. Even today I worried when she took a nap at the gym (unheard of) and woke up so cranky. Sure she's been flexing her terrible two muscles but could this be a sign of traumatic brain injury?

I know rationally that she's fine but my anxiety about my children can just torture me. I keep seeing her fall but can't be sure if her head landed on the foam covered concrete or the grassy lawn, I just see the horrible bend of her neck. When Owen was just a week or two old I was sitting with him after nursing him one night in the wee hours of the morning. I was sort of sleepy, not asleep just very relaxed, when he sharply darted with his body in a way that made me feel like he was about to jump out of my arms. I hadn't been around newborns until he was born. I was unaware of those sudden lurches when they move in an exaggerated manner because they can't really control themselves at that age. He didn't fall, but my restful mother and child pose turned into me clutching my son and mourning what could have happened in a heartbeat. The horrible thing is I still think of that incident (obviously). What if I had dropped him? How could I have lived with myself? The nagging fears for my children that pick at my heart, weakening me. I want to be a mom with joie de vivre but I seem to be the mom who finds the choking hazard at the playdate.

oona's ode to ron mueck

We took the kids to Ron Mueck's exhibit at the Warhol museum back in March. His work is unbelievably good, so realistic and the way he plays with scale, it's mind bending. Also if you watch all that he does to make just one sculpture it's incredibly intricate and way toxic (I thought refinish furniture was a toxic activity). It was interesting to see his work next to Warhol's piss paintings. Mueck's artistry blows Warhol's away. Can you tell that I'm not a huge fan of Warhol. He seemed like a vapid, troubled soul sucker.

Oona's also bending my mind, in different ways. She's pretty much potty trained by now, occasionally will have an accident but doing very well for a month into the potty training. The thing is if she doesn't want to nap or go to bed at night she will take off her diaper (I do still put her in one for sleeping although it usually stays dry) and pee on the rug in her room. Or, as was the case a half hour before these pictures were taken, she peed all over her sheets and stuffed animals. Oh yes, she looks angelic but she's really quite cunning.

the bonehunters

We went to the Carnegie Museum on Sunday because the kids were itching to do the dino dig. It's great that we've got a membership because we can go to the history museum, the art museum, and the science center - that's a lot of culture for our two young kids. My husband always laments that he never got to go anywhere as a child when Owen whines about something. Honestly, spoiled kids aren't the most appreciative and between Owen's whining and Oona's temper tantrums I feel like Michael Scott managing the most dysfunctional office imaginable, my home! Oh I need a new job. Oona and Owen both act wonderful for everyone else but me and my husband. And I have to say I've got the short end of the stick here because I'm with them all the time. When I came home this morning (Toby and I had to attend a school meeting for Owen because he qualifies for gifted services, thank God it's probably the only way he'll get a decent education through Pittsburgh's Public Schools) Oona starts hitting me in front of the sitter, calling me stupid and telling me she's going to throw me in the garbage. Yep, nothing like that outburst to make me feel like mother of the year. Anyone with book recommendations for handling strong-willed children please let me know. Oh, in my darkest mom moments I'm like, could I be raising a sociopath? My darling devil child. Maybe she could star in an Omen sequel. Hopefully everyone that's reading this knows that I'm kidding but you know how you can feel pushed to the edge by your children's behavior sometimes when you're a stay at home mom. At least she isn't like this with everyone, thank God for that. Now if I can only figure out what I'm doing wrong that's made Oona the dominant female in this mother/daughter relationship.

memory keeper's daughter

What can I say about Kim Edwards's Memory Keeper's Daughter? Hm, I saw a poster in a nearby mall that this book was turned into a made for TV movie on Lifetime, which seems fitting. I don't know, it was somewhat interesting in that one of the characters moves to Pittsburgh so I liked reading about the city I live in. Let's see, what else can I say? I noticed at least a dozen typos in the story, who was the copywriter for this book? My Mom and I constantly notice typos; in books, newspapers, and I've even seen them on the local news, once for a story plug they misspelled Pittsburgh!! We should probably become a mother/daughter copywriting superteam, might be a good way to put our perfectionistic tendencies to work. I had to rework my plum rating graphic to make a rank of 2 1/2 plums. I previously said I'd never read anything under 3 plums. In conclusion, I'm glad I took this book out from the library, rather than spent money on it.

I love Beck. I've loved him ever since Mellow Gold came out, his choice of scientology as a religion notwithstanding. But... is it just me or does it not look like Beck is considering gender reassignment in this photo to the left? When I first saw this on apple's home page I was like, eek and started thinking about the guy that played the serial killer in Silence of the Lambs, who plays a cop on Monk and seems like a good actor but with that distinctive voice and memorable role in the movie, he'll take that to the grave. Back to Beck, obviously he has lovely thick blonde hair that I'm totally jealous of (seriously, my hair envy runs oh so deep) but he looks ten thousand times cuter with the short shaggy hair do during his mutations days, wouldn't you agree?

beechwood farms

We went to Beechwood Farms this weekend, after a prolonged temper tantrum on Owen's part, he wanted to go see Wall e with his Dad but Saturday was such a wonderful day we thought it would be better for them to go on Sunday, when we were supposed to have thunderstorms. Well you know how it is getting a five year old to switch to a different plan. There was a lot of foot stomping, slammed doors, random shouts and tears. Once we finally got out to Beechwood Farms Owen did in fact enjoy himself, good thing too because he was so naughty for the rest of the day he lost his movie date with his Dad on Sunday. He's at an age where he's really trying to push boundaries, I'm sure he's also a bit stir crazy being home for the summer. Still, it doesn't excuse his being nasty to everyone in the house, especially poor Oona whose world revolves around her brother.

This Beechwood Farms is amazing. Six miles away, a ten minute drive, but a whole other world compared to city living. Lately I'm starting to get more and more depressed about city living. If Owen gets together with the neighbors kids to play they wind up running up and down the sidewalk, and I worry if they go too far down the sidewalk because I don't want him running out between a couple parked cars and getting hit by some oblivious teen cruising with bass blasting music. I mean it just seems so sad to me that they are relegated to the sidewalk, my postage stamp of a backyard or the neighboring park, which is frequented by skanky teens indulging in illegal drugs. Ugh!

The pond at Beechwood Farms was literally covered in frogs and pollywogs. I've never seen so many. It was so nice to hear them croaking away and the kids were excited, all you had to do was look in one area for a second or so and you'd see a bunch of frogs. We took a nice hike and brought Oona along in the jogging stroller, she looked like a princess being pushed about. Poor Toby had his work cut out for him because parts of the path were root filled and twisty turny going in to marshland with two narrow planks to cross on. Not the easiest for negotiation a stroller.

Owen in his Star Wars Lego t-shirt, something he wears every chance he gets, it's a good thing he has two but I really should probably buy him five more so we have all the days of the week covered and I'm not doing laundry every day. I think Owen's most used phrase right now is 'Guess what' everything starts that way. He wants to be informed and wants to make sure I'm informed as well. I love that he's so curious but when I him say that a dozen times within a minute in the car and Oona's screaming and I'm vainly trying to listen to the news off NPR I do get tempted to drive right off of Highland Park bridge. I think the hardest thing about being a stay at home parent is being pulled so many different ways. The day to day boredom that can creep in combined with the sheer exhaustion of the huge responsibility of taking caring of your children and add to that the negotiating skills needed when your children start fighting, no wonder I have trouble even talking coherently sometimes.

This bunch of Echinacea was a real butterfly magnet. Bees too, I guess it's a good flower to pollinate. It's just so lovely to wander in the grass and see the green everywhere, such a nice little escape from the cement, asphalt, and grafitti of my neighborhood. My Mom is going to give Owen another week of camp there for his birthday which he'll definitely enjoy. I can keep my eyes peeled for For Sale signs dropping him off and picking him up. Oh, if only my dream house would go one the market. Over an acre of land, my kids wouldn't know what to do with themselves, not being confined to a strip of sidewalk.

who am i?

Does anybody know what this thing is? It's come to suck nectar from the phlox in our front yard two days in a row now. We've had a hummingbird come visit before. We planted catmint in the front yard (which is the poor man's lavender, I should have just splurged on lavender instead of catmint, it's not nearly as pretty) and basically every bumblebee in the city, a few butterflies and the occasional hummingbird come to visit. But I have no clue what this thing is, some bizarre type of butterfly? It's got the Very noticeable proboscis and antennae but it's wings move as fast as a hummingbirds and that body seems very full for a butterfly. If anyone can determine what this thing is please let me know. Have a lovely weekend.

a new obsession

Okay, by nature I can become somewhat obsessive with bargains. I mean actual bargains, not buying something you don't need or putting something on credit and then paying three times the original price because your interest rate is high. So... I have needed some new clothes for a long time now, all my trips to the gym and cutting back on eating 4 candy bars and a 20 ounce coke as an after dinner treat (horrible I know) have paid off. My body image always seems to be a bit skewed, no matter how much I weigh I always look the same to me, which my chubby version, at least that's what I see. Back in June Toby and I stayed with a wonderful dear old friend from college (whom I miss so so much and having an extended weekend with her made me miss her that much more) and her family. She offered me whatever clothes I might need so I borrowed a pair of pants and a shirt one day, she has very nice clothes, even the casual stuff. I was sucking in my stomach putting on the pants thinking, there's no way these will fit, but lo and behold they did. And imagine my surprise when I saw what size they were and made a mental note, no wonder I can't find clothes that fit properly, I try things on that are a size or two bigger than my friend's pants. This might seem like a no brainer to some but it was really quite an epiphany to me, like I'm always trying on clothes for the chubbier me. Well that weekend unleashed an animal in me and over the past month I've made 3 trips to the Gap and one to Ann Taylor where I wound up getting.

from the gap
1 belt
3 shirts
2 v-neck cardigans
1 skirt
5 pants (very cute sunkissed chinos, which means they're extremely lightweight and perfect for summer)
and a dress from Ann Taylor!

at the normal retail price this would have set me back $592.50
but I got everything for $194.82 for a whopping savings of $397.68! 67% savings, hope my math is right there!

It makes me giddy, saving that much, it's probably the closest I'll ever come to feeling like I won the lottery. Okay, when I had my children I definitely won the lottery there, even if they drive me batty sometimes. I've become a price adjustment zealot, and I still have two weeks to see if the price on my 2 cardigans drops any lower. Happy 4th of July everybody!

summer banner

it's july 2nd so I figured I should get moving on the summer banner. this doesn't look too summery but I guess it'll do for now.

happy hump day

While Toby's been busy working in Vegas, not the gambling tables, at least not to my knowledge, I've decided to put my 24/7 life with the kids into the masochistic zone. As if potty training Oona, while Owen's home for the summer and not in camp this week, isn't enough, I've decided to make every other day a TV free day in the house. Today was the second TV free day and it's actually gone surprisingly well. We went out to get Oona a booster seat for the car. That girl, now that she's got the potty training down, I'm amazed and truly thankful about how relatively easy this experience has been so far, but now she's two (well a few months shy of 3) going on thirty. She wants to do everything on her own and for her to get in our car and try to snap herself into her five point harness car seat, well you quickly pass five minutes standing in the street waiting for her to finish. And if I dare to try and help her she has a combo whine/scream that could possibly cause long term hearing loss. So she's 35 pounds and it seemed like now was the perfect time for a booster. We stopped at Jo-Ann's after getting the booster seat and bought a couple bird houses for the kids to paint. They had a great time with the whole experience, I think Oona's cherry shirt (which she was wearing in the previous post too, I swear she has more clothes) is now her craft shirt, she got so much paint on it. I know, I know, looking at the pictures below that totally surprises you.