turned a corner?

I did MUCH better than I had hoped or expected on my midterm. And the nurse I'm working with in the ICU was super nice to me today. So can I just recant on my previous post. I don't know. The ICU is definitely interesting and an incredible learning experience. It's just so unfuckingbelievably overwhelming at the same time, all the meds to know, the hourly charting on vitals, hemodynamics, intake and output, the fancy pants monitor for reading central venous pressure and mean arterial pressure, the pressure bag, the tubing going all over the place and needing to keep on top of orders (for new meds, tests, procedures, yada yada yada). I feel like I could actually get my groove and learn to enjoy ICU nursing if I ever had the chance to get my bearings without feeling like an idiot and/or asshole (disclaimer: this could entirely be me misreading people's shortness, not wanting to be in my presence, comments on my anxiety ad nauseam and taking it personally). One thing I do like is that the doctors actually ask you things, like how your patient is doing. And what you say matters. And if I can manage to keep my shit together I might one day come across like I know what I'm talking about. Like to the very handsome vascular surgeon (like Atul Gawande but much hotter), surely much much younger than me, but very friendly, he patted my shoulder when I made an idiotic mistake trying to let him access the computer to place an order (I was logged on and as a mere student of nursing, obviously they aren't going to allow me to make any orders). Oh well, live and learn. With all this learning I should be 120 (in nursing student years) by April.