Maternal ADD

I fear that my last post might have sounded a bit shrill but, last night I came home from the gym and went to grab my sweater out of my gym bag (which is a cloth eco-bag with a floral patch because the eco bag split on the seam, don't even get me started on the eco oriented books I've bought that are falling apart because they must have used green glue to bind the pages to the book's spine). Anyhow, I'm shivering and ready to get my sweater when it dawns on me that I left my bag in the parking lot at the gym. Shit shit shit! I run out to check my car praying that it's in there but it wasn't. My neighbor says 'hi' and wants to chat but I'm too busy freaking because Owen's getting picked up for the karate carpool in twenty minutes but I have to go back to the gym to see if my bag is still in the parking lot (there's a sign on the door to the gym 'Do not leave anything in your car' and I'm thinking my bag is on the street and it's not looking good) because the New Balance 992's that I just bought last week are in the flipping bag and if I lose those sneakers Toby is going to kill me. I'm punching my thighs thinking how I put those damn expensive sneakers in a bag after working out because I didn't want to ruin them too soon and now they're probably gone. I mutter incoherently to the kids about getting shoes and coats on and call the carpooler to rant about my predicament and that we might be a bit late when they come to pick Owen up. Somehow luck is with me, traffic is minimal and I don't hit red lights. As I approach the parking lot I see a bag on top of a car. I slow down near the car and see that it's my bag as a man who's a gym regular (he always arrives a half hour after me. I don't talk to anyone at the gym but I'm like rain man when it comes to noticing the regulars when I work out and their predilections) looks at me with a bemused expression as I smile, make some crazed gasp/sigh/strangled cat noise, run for my bag, try to open the passenger door but it's locked and tear around my car back into the driver's seat. I looked like a complete spaz, but I made it home before the carpool arrived!

Earlier that day I went to the dentist. I had stopped at Whole Foods earlier to have a coffee, probably not the most polite thing to drink before a cleaning but I needed my caffeine. I was trying to have a relaxing thirty minutes to myself and read about the Oscar's in the Times when I knocked over my coffee cup, the cap flew off and the whole table filled with coffee (it was really hot so I had only had a couple sips). I was totally mortified as it's dripped down the side of the table, remarkably it didn't get on me at all. The woman at a table next to mine was so wonderful. She brought over napkins and helped me clean up. She even said 'my paper's only the local one but you can have it if you want.' Ah, the kindness of strangers. So much for my relaxing morning cup of coffee. When I got to the dentist's the hygienist asked me if I was a student and I was like 'no, I'm a stay at home mom.' I was sitting with my dentist after the appointment (he's amazing how attentive he is) when he asked my age, because was referring me to an orthodontist. When I told him 39 he shook his head and said 'no.' When I told Toby this he's like 'I'm telling you, you look a lot younger than your age.' I don't know, that might partially be it, but I think a larger reason people think I'm younger than I am is that I come across as a huge dork. I mean I act like a teenager in terms of how awkward I am with my body (I'm such a klutz it's pretty remarkable that I haven't killed myself in some Darwin awards type of accident) and how self-conscious I can be at times. But this is straying away from the title of the post. Seriously I believe I've become like the worst sufferer of ADD which I acquired after having two kids. I used to be forgetful occasionally but now. Well here's my list of observed symptoms.

times I've ...

started driving while my coffee cup is on top of my car - 4

left my keys in the lock of either our back or front door - too many considering we live in a city, this one drives Toby nuts!

tried to find my cellphone or wallet - easily three times a week, every week. Although, to be fair, my kids can take them and move them around on me, like elves.

forgotten expensive items in a public space - 3 I 'lost' the two pairs of jeans I had just bought and left in the supermarket. But thankfully, no one took my sneakers or the I-pod I left at the gym last year, there must be some theft deterrent angel looking after me there!

gone out in public without brushing my teeth - it's more than once and isn't that more than enough?!

gone out with my hair looking a lot less than stellar - often

had trouble concentrating on conversations - if my kids are with me there's a high chance I'll retain little of what's said to me

and even with a list I always forget to buy something at the grocery store, it's like that environment lobotomizes me, maybe it's the tabloid rags that I read for as long as Oona will let me.