security

Okay, now this is really sad, trust me you'll see where I'm going, in my convoluted way, with this. The kids are at Toby's parents until Monday and my house is a disaster with the many projects that I'm doing (redoing hallway, stripping more furniture) I'm in the midst of scraping black stain off a gate leg table when there's a knock at my door. My door is actually a $20 door screen that I got at Home Depot and prop in my front doorway so I don't succumb to paint, stripper (fill in the blank) fumes. I see this earnest fellow with a tag around his neck and a leather portfolio holder and I'm instantly like I'm really busy right now. And I am. My hands are in latex gloves, covered in black goop, I'm in crappy stained clothes and am not wearing a bra - clearly this isn't a good time to sell me something. But the man says he isn't trying to sell me something, he just needs a few minutes of my time. I can get a security system installed for free if I'll put out the little markers (they're solar so they can even be seen at night) and I live on a corner so they're figuring I'll get a lot of traffic - um if they can even see the marker through the weeds that have taken over my front yard. I am absolutely horrible at turning people away and quickly feel guilty for being nasty initially, I don't know that I was but I probably looked harried.

So I invite the man in to sit on the sofa and show me the brochure about the system. He asks if I know many of my neighbors and I think how there are some I know but that most of them I'll say hi but that's it, otherwise I feel like I'm bothering them. This few minutes of my time is taking close to an hour as he gets my information and repeatedly stresses the free system, aside from a $42.90 monthly fee. What? You realize all systems have monthly fees don't you. Okay I say, juggling money in my head as to whether this is worth it or not. There was a rape in the neighborhood, although it was on the other side of the neighborhood, there has been petty crime. I wouldn't think twice of getting a security system until I suddenly became single mother of two with a big house with a single pane, easily broken, basement window in the tiny dark alleyway between my house and the neighbors. I hate myself for it but I do get scared from time to time. Of course, during the midst of this hour with the salesman I explained that I'm a single mom and that the house is a mess because I'm alone for the week. Nothing like revealing too much. I needed a plumber on Friday to repair a faucet and tried to make small talk asking whether he was Scandinavian because his last name looked like it. I'm adopted he says and I suddenly feel awful for even trying to engage in small talk. He seems to sense this and says that it looks like I'm working hard removing paint on the house and I chirp Yep, I'm very busy stripping cringing inside at how bad that sounds. So the sales rep has me pick a date for install, that the technicians are very flexible and I say the 15th giving myself a chance to step back from this situation I've got myself in. The sales rep keeps stressing the security precautions the company takes, pointing to his badge, his shirt with logo, and all this security talk has me suddenly getting panicky. During my credit check he says they also check that I haven't killed anyone in the past five years, is this just very weak salesman jokes? My mind goes to the horrible movie Funny Games where a wealthy couple are victims of a perverse home invasion in the Hamptons by really fresh scrubbed preppy looking fellows who wind up killing the son, husband and wife- no happy ending her. It was a completely repulsive depressing film, the only redeeming quality was watching Tim Roth (sigh) and envying Naomi Watts body. But my mind is now suddenly thinking how wise was it of me to invite the stranger with the name tag (last name Godwin which sounds completely made up, like something on Criminal Minds) into my home when I'm alone and why is this taking so long.

Then he tells me they're going to install it tonight. What? That a technician should be at my house within 45 minutes and set up takes about hour. I thought you were doing it on the 15th. I'm looking at the stripper uselessly drying on my table, the man hums a little tune to himself, nervous perhaps? And I'm now thinking the technician and salesman are going to do something awful to me. Tonight isn't a good time I tell him, can't the technician do it in the morning. More calls on his blackberry, he's trying to insist the technician put at least the panel in tonight because they charge $100 an hour for their time but I shrug and say tonight really isn't a good time. He makes another call then leaves, looking a bit forlorn and taking my invoice order with him. I'm kicking myself for letting him know the perfect way to get into my house. I'm wondering who I can call to invite over when I realize there's no one, at least no one I'm close enough to that I wouldn't worry about looking silly or would know I look silly but that they are a good enough friend that I don't have to be nervous about that. I did call the customer service number and there is someone by that name working in the Pittsburgh area. I was apologizing for being paranoid and the customer service rep was nice enough to commend me and say you never can be too safe. I don't feel safe, I feel alone and gullible. But I don't think I want that security system even if I do feel alone.