TMI alert: this post if filled with scat references. Wait a couple days for the next post if poop talk leaves you ill.
Everyone poops but everyone doesn't have an easy time pooping, at least not in this family. My God! between me and my son we're going to need new pipes in our house and Oona isn't even toilet trained yet and she's the one with the worst poop problems by far. I've been diagnosed with IBS, it's much better to say that than irritable bowel syndrome, which sounds horrible to personify the colon that way. But at least that's gentler than spastic colon, which, who could say that about themselves without hanging their head in shame? It's like saying your colon is the boy who eats glue and hops up and down grabbing himself in class. A couple weeks ago I took Oona to a GI doctor and he told me what all the other GI doctors have said, keep her on miralax, it's safe, there's nothing wrong with her taking that every day for years if need be. But then he said he'd want to see her in six months in case anything changes with Oona or if they learn new information about the safety of miralax. Very reassuring. He also wants her to get some bloodwork done, more to rule certain conditions out, which based on her thriving health he doubts she has.
I had to go in for a procedure yesterday, which involved drinking a bottle of magnesium citrate and taking two enemas, sounds lovely doesn't it? I was scheduled to have this thing done at 11:30 and they didn't do me until quarter after two by which time I was completely stressed out because my sitter needed to be at work at 3:00 so I was hopping off my gurney to place calls to update her on when I might be done, while apologizing profusely for being so late, originally I told her I'd be back by 1:00 the latest, since I'd been told the procedure takes all of five minutes. If I didn't bring along my sudoku book to kill time I might have killed someone because going close to three hours past your scheduled procedure time seems a bit insane. It's like dealing with plane travel these days, except in a hospital gown. Apparently they were short an anesthetist which backed everything up (hard not to write in double entendres when it comes to the bowel). I didn't need anesthesia, unlike everyone else getting endoscopies and colonoscopies, so God knows why they couldn't move me to the head of the line and get me in and out quick. Once I finally got in there everything was quick, it's very bizarre to see your colon on TV and I was compelled to apologize since my prep for this procedure didn't work and they need to irrigate me, apparently this happens or that's what the fellow (a doctor who was a fellow, not a guy) with a probe up my ass told me. Everything looked normal and I jumped back into my clothes and ran out (as fast as I could while doubled over with cramps from getting water and air pumped into my colon) to pay my parking ticket and get home. Talk about a day well spent by myself, HA! I did like a third of the damn sudoku book, much easier without distractions although I still prefer crossword puzzles.
I am really tempted to see a naturopathic docotor or holistically oriented nutritionist. I just keep wondering if my family's (except Toby) troubles would clear up if we eliminated dairy from our diet or wheat. We all drink plum juice (much tastier than prune juice) on a regular basis but that doesn't seem to be enough. I'm always putting off visiting a naturapthic doctor because I'm scared they'll tell me I have to give up all my favorites; chocolate, caffeine, sugar and I'd probably need to be locked up in a padded cell in order to detox from those three.
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