Saturday, September 08, 2012

while you weren't sleeping

The you being me and that will be the extent of my writing in the second person, which I think is one of the harder literary feats to pull off. So the steroids, specifically prednisone, don't think I'll be able to take that any more. I didn't put two and two together, shameful given that I'm a nurse, regarding my mood and lack of sleep until I'd already finished my course of steroids yet I was still staying up waaay too late and crying uncontrollably. And when I say uncontrollably it was about a half a dozen times a day, coming out of nowhere and it wasn't polite little tears but huge gut wrenching sobs. The final straw was when I woke up from a nightmare at 5:00 in the morning sobbing and Oona (the cunning devil that she is, she's been exploiting my ability to sleep like the dead when I do finally fall asleep, Vicodin will do that to you, and sneak into my bed) was like 'It's okay mommy. Don't be sad.' I called the doctor's office, in tears, yet again, and was told yes what you're experiencing is definitely related to the steroids and I saw the doctor the next day and was excused for yet another week of work, 'It's too bad, a lot of people get happy and have a lot of energy from steroids.' she told me. I had a lot of energy, at night, but I was in no way happy. I bought this amazing CD of Lianne La Havas and listened to it nonstop (except track 3 which would make me cry as soon as I heard the first few notes) during my Prednisone haze. The album is amazing, but now that I'm finally clear of the medication induced craziness I can't listen to the CD, as good as it is, it's marked from that time, like when you get food poisoning and have a natural aversion to that food for however long. Hopefully I'll be able to play it again in a couple of months because it really is phenomenal.

Isn't she stunning?! And then you listen to her voice, it's as beautiful as she is and the lyrics are great, can't say enough good things about her (& she's only 23!)
Plus she includes a goofy picture like this on her website, I think she's adorable.

So the kids are back in school and I'm doing a round robin between the gym, physical therapy and the chiropractor's office in order to strengthen my core and hips and avoid my back going out like it did. Because god help me if it does since steroids are now off the list of meds to help cure my back pain. I still have pain, thus the occasional Vicodin at night. The pain in the ass is that it's literally that, a pain in my ass, wrapping around my left hip and making an insidious path down my leg. I'm sitting on a balance ball now, trying to get my ten minutes a day in, trying to engage my transversus abdominis muscle, where are you? I seem to be woefully out of touch with most of the muscles that make up my core.

But back/hip/leg pain and steroid insanity aside, I did actually manage to do something productive during my time off. I started working on a second website for the jewelry that I make. I've only been planning on doing this for over three years now. Oh well, I've got the ball rolling now, so please visit boo and the bean and let me know what you think.


Elise A. Miller said...

yo yo yo. kim. kim. kim. 1. How did you discover Lianne? She is AMAZING! I am in love. itching to download her entire album tout suite. thank you for giving me some musical guidance. it's such a swamp out there, barely navigable. she reminds me of a toned down janelle monae. have you seen tightrope? holy amazeballs. 2. you sound much better than your last post. so much that 3. I have to wonder if any of your despair/anger/frustration was fueled by the prednisone, because I saw myself in your emotional upheaval and went OFF during and after my prednisone debacle. 4. Fantastic news about the jewelry and the site and the wares look beautiful. 5. any possibility that you're causing yourself greater back pain with the amount of exercise you do? It was called to my attention that I was using yoga to beat myself up, and when I stopped doing yoga, the pain went away. I still exercise and sometimes very hard, but never more than twice a week. I also don't have a grueling nursing schedule. so I gotta think that the amount of exertion you put out there is kicking your ass. in the back. literally. anyway, that's my fourteen cents. i love reading your blog, no matter what your mindstate or lumbarstate is, even though of course I wish you contentment and relief and bliss. thank you for continuing to share and struggle and let me know I'm not alone. peace and love!

Andy said...

That LaHavas cut Is devastating. Wrapped as it is, in textures tones, it cuts close to the bone.

I love boo and the bean. You are talented!