Tuesday, August 07, 2012
hubris
My triathlon is this Sunday and as the date draws near this goal of mine is looking more and more like an impulsive and regrettable decision on my part to. I haven't had enough training, if I'm not working I have my children with me and I started out strong but I've sort of lost steam because I feel guilty having them in the care center at the gym while I do exercise, even if it's only for an hour or so. I can't pace myself to save my life with swimming. I always start out way too fast and by the sixth lap my lungs are ready to explode. They say that swimming is an excellent sport for asthmatics because it helps them with breathing. I think I sound like an asthmatic when I swim, I seriously sound like I'm wheezing or dying I'm swimming so hard. And then yesterday I switched to backstroke, to catch my breath, and my head was somewhere else while swimming (actually, I was ruminating over why they put me on to work Sunday night when this was the one and only weekend I requested off because my fucking triathlon is Sunday morning, which means I'll go from a triathlon, to bed, to working 12 hours overnight, incentive to do it in a good time at least) well I backstroked the back of my head right into the pool wall, fortunately I wasn't all that quick so it didn't hurt too bad. I've got my twenty year old mountain bike for the cycling part and my flat feet for the 5k which involves trail running (harder than pavement, infinitely harder than the treadmill) I haven't been able to train anywhere but inside the gym, since when I don't have my children I'm working and exercise is the last thing I want to do after 12 hours of work, sit in front of the tv and watch Monk or House while stuffing my face (drowning my emotional/physical/psychological stressors of the day) is what I'm more inclined towards. So if you read this before Sunday morning EST please send good thoughts my way that I make it through this triathlon and fingers crossed that I get downstaffed that night so I needn't go to work.
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3 comments:
Was it, is it hubris? I don't know. Can you do this? Yes. Will you do it as well as you can? Probably not, for all the reasons you mentioned.
In your last post, you wondered what might have happened if you directed your energy differently. I marvel at everything you're doing:
- You're parenting two wonderful kids (evidence of your successful parenting).
- You're immersing yourself in a challenging job, so much so that you're looking at photo's and identifying folks as a good stick. Sheesh! While your schedule is kicking your butt, I think that's a clear sign, you've more than risen to the challenge.
- What else? Oh you're simply trying to build a life. That's a little thing. Right?
Kim the blogger, the supportive friend, and the Triathlete, is part of that. Why not think of this one as a "learning" event. That lets Sunday, be real, but frees it from being anything more than an experience that gets you ready for the next one.
After this one, you can think about things like upgrading your bike, seeing which of your friends can watch your kids on days when you need two hours for a workout, and whether you need to wear a helmet in the pool (I'm kidding. I've banged my head that way, too).
Here are good thoughts, prayers, and waves of good karma. For the triathlon, and the downstaffing.
Go Kim! I wish you all the luck, godspeed, humanspeed, endurance, etc. I've got to think that a lot of your regret and fear is really nervous anticipation. You're going to rock it. I'll be thinking of you!
Did you survive it? Even trying a triathalon is impressive to me. I go to the gym everyday but, the swimming and running outdoorsa seem hard. I thought about you today because I read this before.
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