amelia's plum: in no particular order

I can miss my father so acutely on random days throughout the year but yesterday wasn't random. He always used to enjoy watching as much golf as humanly possible on Father's Day and gmail had this creepy reminder in the contacts to call Dad, and I say creepy because what the hell am I supposed to do when my father is dead? I don't like stuff like that, it just makes me hyperaware of how people can sort of take a lot of things for granted. I know I did. I wouldn't have thought twice about something like that until now. And yes, I feel more than a little guilt at the fact that my Dad ashes are hanging out in a box on the third floor, it's so hot up there with the windows closed and no a/c, I feel like I should put his cremains in a more comfortable place. I also feel guilty that I'm mad at him that he decided he wants his ashes spread out in San Francisco, rather than Moosehead lake, where his mother's ashes were spread and where he said he wanted his ashes spread years ago. But the man lived beyond his means in life so I guess wanting his ashes spread off the coast of Marin makes sense in a way. My father was far from perfect, but I know he loved me and faulted as he was I miss him. I miss playing Scrabble with him and how he could make me laugh and making him laugh, because he when he laughed he put everything into it so it was oddly flattering to get that sort of reaction from him based on something I said.

In other news, my kids had their last day of school last wednesday, which was followed with a pizza party at the park I'll take them to when I'm able to get out of school early. They had a lot of fun, faces were painted, popsicles were eaten in bulk. My mom watched them on thursday and friday, since I was at the hospital, and they went to the zoo thursday. My mom told them that she would buy each of them stuffed animals but they had to find something under ten dollars. So Oona found a cute little macaroni penguin within the price range but apparently Owen's stuffed animal needs are so high maintenance that he just couldn't find anything he liked under ten dollars so she wound up buying him a really cool, over budget stuffed squid. Then we went to Burgatory for dinner on friday, it was Owen's choice, and I'll never go there again because it's so loud I can't hear myself think. And yes saying that I'm now officially ready for my AARP subscription. I played hangman with Oona and being the smart ass mother that I am said to my mom, 'What are the chances that Oona correctly spelled her clue?' Actually she did spell 'Hannah Montana' correctly but she didn't fully understand the rules of the game. Like when I said 'a' she only put one 'a' in and she did the same thing with 'n'. I tried to explain that it's like 'Wheel of Fortune' and you have to show all instances of the letter. To be fair though she draws a very nice interpretation of hangman where the person is jumping off a chair. Owen complained that that isn't how you do hangman but I think she gets bonus points for creative interpretation of the hanging.

Finally, I've been at Children's hospital for my clinical rotations the past two weeks and I absolutely love it there. I'm so confused. How can I love pediatrics this much when I'm not a fun parent, frequently feel inadequate and exhausted when it comes to being a mother? I don't get it. But I'm not going to analyze this too much, it's such a wonderful environment, it's 'my mother' in terms of a specialty in healthcare that fits.