august

Owen turned 8 last sunday, on 8/8 no less. If i had my shit together a little better I might have posted something earlier but this past week I had my final in school and was sort of overwhelmed with the whole nursing school shebang. Oh, by the way, many posts ago I bemoaned the state of my hair, or lack thereof. Well I had a scalp biopsy and it turns out I have telogen effluvium which is a condition that can be brought on by stress and usually winds up correcting itself once the stressor is removed. I'm just hoping that nursing school isn't the stressor otherwise I might be profusely shedding for the next couple of years, since I'm assuming my first year on the job might be a wee bit stressful too.

But back to Owen, his birthday and that enviable torso with nary an ounce of fat on it. I had custody of Owen for his official birthday. Just writing that sentence is so sad and let me tell you if you beat yourself up or question your parenting as a stay at home mom being a single parent kicks the parental self flagellation to a whole other level. Well I got Owen and his friend E saturday evening to take them to see Sorcerer's Apprentice. Originally E was going to sleep over at our house and go to the wave pool in the morning with us but he was a little nervous about the sleep over idea so we dropped him at home and picked him up in the morning. It was a really nice birthday with Owen and his friend. They get along swimmingly and they were so cute to watch in the wave pool, bobbing and plugging their noses against oncoming waves and, my word, how did my son get so big overnight? It was nice to spend the day with just Owen and his friend. That's the hardest thing for me with single parenting. I miss out on the one on one time you can have with your children when there's another partner in parenting. It's especially hard because Owen and Oona will fight for my attention and then I yell at them to stop the fighting and my time with them has changed so radically in the past year and a half as it is. And now being in school, I love learning all the new things about medicine but the time taken away from my kids. It kills me in a very soul sucking at any remnants of self esteem I might possess sort of way. But I need to think positive. Owen and E really enjoyed themselves at the wave pool and after dropping E off in the late afternoon we came back home and played Operation. Owen was most impressed with my surgical skills. I think he thought I did so well due to being in nursing school. I got Owen a bike because he still doesn't know how to ride a bicycle, little knife of parental guilt with that admission. He's a bit nervous about the idea of falling but, well I got Oona a bike too, because she's braver and I thought that might help with Owen's nervousness. I'm hoping to get them riding by the time school rolls around for all of us. I'm also hoping that this idea isn't a recipe for disaster between the three of us; frustration, fear, new skill and easily overwhelmed parent... I'll keep you posted.