amelia's plum: 01/01/2012

There are so many things that scare me but friday the 13th isn't one of them. Although it scares my children. My children are scared to even go upstairs and use the bathroom by themselves, or get socks, or be left alone upstairs. Or maybe they're just really good at working the guilt angle with me until I feel compelled to send them up in tandem or get the socks myself. I really need to work on making the gutted half bath downstairs into a usable bathroom rather than a storage catchall. But 2012 is bringing a lot of new, and somewhat scary, things my way. And I already botched my New Year's resolution to eat better after one ill-fated spinning class where I neglected to bring water and thought I was experiencing an asthma attack during - I wasn't I just needed a drink, desperately. I've been hired for a new job as a bone marrow transplant nurse, that will start the end of this month.

And today I received my decree of divorce on fancy tan paper with a raised gold seal. I'm officially an ex. Sigh. I can't encapsulate the separation and divorce into a sound byte. I'm not good at that and it just wouldn't seem respectful. Maybe I'm slow to come to this realization but I understand now that you can love someone deeply and still not be right for each other. I think being in a long term loving relationship can take work, but it shouldn't be difficult, it's one of those delicate balances that are only teased out by the two people in the relationship ultimately. My ex will be remarried soon and he's with the right person for him. And she's wonderful with our children. What more could I ask for really? I'm seeing someone too. I don't know what our future will bring but I do know that he can make me laugh out loud over the simplest, silliest things. He can drive me crazy at times, but, when I look at everything that truly matters to me, he is a very easy person to love. My children ask every day if he's coming over, not in an eye rolling annoyed way, they both look forward to seeing him. Owen and Oona are so different. Owen is too much like me, a people pleaser who tends to avoid the difficult talks by circling around an issue, trying to think of the right thing to say. While Oona cuts right to the chase, 'Is he sleeping over?' I want to be like Oona when I grow up.

I had saved a turkey wishbone from the Christmas turkey we had and Owen and Oona broke it last night. I've never seen this happen before but it split completely down the middle in two equal pieces. Oona told me she wished that I would never die. I try to tell her that everything dies and that that's okay but then she gives me her sad puppy dog face and I just hug her. Owen told me his wish was to have a regular life and be happy. It sounded pretty wonderful to me. So I leave you with what I saw on my walk today, although I had to drive to get to these pretty locations. I hope the few that stop on this blog are well and wish you all a most wonderful 2012.

I've never seen sap icicles before but there were some hanging on most of the felled trees I spied during my walk through Beechwood Farms.

This picture is sort of like a trick of logic. The pine tree looks like it's falling but it's suspended in that position, for now, at least until the spring thaw.